25 Awkward Conversations With Peeta Mellark
by TheNerdFrom4
Summary: From a young age, Peeta's always been a curious boy. He pretty much wants to know everything, such as how bread is made, how swords work, how the sperm reaches the egg, how male bodies are different from female ones, what a yeast infection is . . .
1. The Big Difference

It is a radiant Friday afternoon and every student who attends my school is walking home with only thoughts of relaxation on their minds. That, however, is not the case with me, Peeta Mellark. My mind is plagued with a question that I have never before asked myself: what is the difference between a man's body and a woman's body?

Why am I suddenly so curious about this topic? Well, you see, just ten minutes before the school day's end, my friend Token had walked up to me and shamelessly boasted about knowing information that I didn't. I had wondered what that could possibly be; since I am very sure that I know everything someone my age should, if not more. So I asked him, and he told me that yesterday his father had explained something to him that most people in their teens and twenties only understand. I questioned what that was, and he told me that he knew the difference between a man's body and a woman's body.

My first conclusion had been that he was bluffing. Token and I are mere nine years old, not even old enough for our names to be entered for the Hunger Games (thank God). I accused him of lying and he simply shrugged and said that it was my problem if I didn't believe him.

So now I am on my way home with this question blocking every other thought in my mind. At this moment, nothing else is relevant to me except finding out the big difference, not even the fact that it is getting very close to Reaping Day for the sixty-seventh Hunger Games and that one of my two older brothers could be selected as a Tribute.

I arrive home to the smell of baking bread, as usual. My mother is sitting on the one large couch in our living room. I am not even thinking of approaching her with this question; most likely she will yell at me, slap me, or both for bringing it up and not being focused on how our family's bakery is doing.

"Hey, boy, hurry up and get to the kitchen!" she says to me, wearing her famous ugly scowl. "Pastries don't make themselves."

I ignore her nagging voice and enter my room, where I find my eldest brother, Roka, searching for something in my closet. Perfect! Roka is thirteen years old. He, my other older brother, and I all share the same ashy blonde hair and blue eyes, as do most people in the merchant area of District 12, where my family and I live.

Roka is much taller than me, and from the way he acts, much smarter about girls than I am as well. He notices that I am in the room and turns to face me.

"Do you know where my sleeveless black shirt is? I want to wear to impress this pretty girl tomorrow," he says.

I shake my head. "No, sorry, and can I ask you a question?"

"You already did, Peeta. No more questions now."

"I need to ask you another one," I say, choosing my words more carefully.

"Alright then, what'd you want to know?"

"What's the difference between a man's body and a woman's body?"

Roka freezes, and gives me a look that contains nothing but confusion. "Why the hell do you want to know that? You're _nine_."

"My friend Token's father told him the difference, and he's nine too. So why can't I know?"

"Well, little bro, it's just that you might find this information extremely uncomfortable . . . and it's going to be really uncomfortable for me to explain it to you. If I don't tell you, we both will be saved from incredible uncomfort."

I feel slightly upset now. "I really don't care if it's uncomfortable. I want to know!"

He appears to be taken aback by the forcefulness in my voice. I never yell at my brothers or use a demanding tone with them, but to walk all the way home with only this question troubling me and to be denied information by someone who definitely knows the answer is very frustrating.

"Fine, I'll tell you just so you'll shut up," he says, sighing and taking a seat on my bed.

I do the same.

"Well?"

"Well, as you know, some women and girls are pretty and small, while some men and boys are handsome and bigger than some women and girls. Some females look like males, and some males look like women."

"Okay, go on."

Roka looks hesitant. He begins to scratch his nose, a nervous habit. "The true way to tell if someone is a woman or a man is to . . . uh . . . get a look at them naked." He reddens.

"What do you mean?"

"A woman's body is supposed to be curvy and feminine, but even if it's not, it doesn't mean that she's not a female. Women can be muscular and bulky, like men. So . . ."

"Don't stop now!"

"Uh . . . um . . . you know when you're naked and you see that thing in front of you that's between your legs?"

I nod. "Yeah, it's really weird-looking."

"Alright, well . . . only males have that, okay?"

"Okay, so what do women have?"

Roka pauses, apparently thinking. Finally, he says, "If I tell you this, you cannot tell Mom."

"I promise I won't tell her."

"Once, I peeped on this really hot girl in her twenties. I was your age, and curious, so I followed her home without her knowing and spied on her while she was getting naked. I was surprised when she took all her clothes off, because she didn't have that thing in front of her."

"What did she have?"

"Nothing, really, just . . . I can't describe it. It has a left side and a right side, I think, and some hair. I don't think women see it in front of themselves."

"So . . . that's the difference?"

Roka shrugs. He is redder than I have ever seen him. "Pretty much, yeah."

"Can men use that weird-looking thing in front of them to impress women?"

"I think so."

"What is it called, anyway?"

"We'll talk about that later, alright?"

I think for a while. "Do you think I can impress Katniss Everdeen with _my_ weird-looking thing?"

"Her father would probably kill you if you ever showed her it."

"Aw, okay."

"Don't get sad. One day, if you grow to be a man and your thing gets huge, you'll impress tons of women with it, and maybe even Katniss if she grows up past eighteen."

"Wow! That's the most inspiring thing I've ever heard! Thanks, Roka!"

"Peeta, get in this motherfucking kitchen!" my mom screams from the living room.

**A/N: Notice how I avoided using the correct name for a man's private part. I hope you enjoyed this. Hunger Games is awesome and Peeta is the best!**


	2. Good With Peeniss

"Finnick, can I talk to you about something?" I ask.

I hear him groan, and he rolls over to face me. "_What_? I've been watching guard for so long, now I gotta talk to you about stuff?"

"It's important," I insist. "It's about my Peeniss."

Finnick's face distorts into a disgusting expression. He clamps a hand over my mouth. "Dude, you're so loud! What about your penis?"

I smile. I'm so glad that Finnick Odair's listening to me. I have fantasized about talking to him so many times in my room back in District 12. He's a Peeniss god! No, that's an understatement. He's a SLBAMF. That means he's a sexy, lady-killing, bad-ass mother-fucker. I bet he has such great advice to give me about my Peeniss.

"Well, lately," I start, "Peeniss has been—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, is this about your penis or an actual person named Peeniss?"

"It's about that dangly thing between my legs. I named it Peeniss."

"Yes, and its correct name is penis. P-E-N-I-S."

"Wow, Finnick, you're so good at spelling."

I see him roll his amazing sea-green eyes. "Yeah . . . right. So what's up with your . . . Peeniss?"

"Quite a few problems, really."

He grumbles. He can tell this is going to be a long conversation. Actually, I don't understand why he seems so awkward. Us males all have Peenisses, right? "Such as?"

"Well," I whisper, "sometimes when I go to sleep thinking about Katniss and how hot she is, it gets really hard and rigid and seems to increase in size. And I can't get it to go down, unless I rub it a lot and think about Katniss in my bed in sexy underwear. Then some white stuff shoots out and goes all over the bed and the next morning my parents come in and demand to know if I got a girl pregnant, whatever that is."

Finnick makes a face. "Your parents really don't educate you about this stuff, do they?"

"I don't tell them. If I tell my mom, she's going to say I'm a pervert. If I tell my dad, he's just going to get really awkward, for some reason. If I tell my brothers, they just say they have the same problems, only they think about other girls in different scenarios. And sometimes they have DREAMS about it! Can you imagine?"

"Have you ever had the dream?"

"Well, sometimes. I wake up feeling so weird, like I wanna put Peeniss in something. Like a hole. You know what I mean?"

Finnick sits up slowly. His eyes shine so brightly in the darkness of the night. "You're, like, seventeen now, right?"

"Yeah."

"And this _just _started happening to you?"

"Yeah."

"Wow, kid, you are one late bloomer. Let me explain what's going on with your body right now. See, every man, if they get to live to it, goes through a change . . . a _transformation_, if you will."

I sit up too, completely absorbed in this conversation. He sounds so wise, like a great philosopher.

"This transformation brings changes to the man's body," he continues. "Now, the man may feel uncomfortable at first. He may not know what's going on. His voice starts to get deeper, he starts to grow hair in certain places, and he starts to become interested in females. What you are experiencing when you think about Katniss is called an erection. You feel like you want to do something with her, don't you?"

"Yeah. I do."

"Okay, that's normal."

"But how do you get rid of it without rubbing it a lot?"

Finnick says, "It's simple. You gotta get a girl to spread her legs, and then you just stick Peeniss in and move it around in there until she starts screaming."

"WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO MAKE A GIRL SCREAM?"

I'm horrified. I'd never want to make Katniss scream.

"Not so loud, Mellark!"

"Oh, sorry."

Finnick sighs. "She's not screaming because it hurts or you're scaring her. She's screaming because, well, as my lovers have told me, it feels good as hell."

"Oh, have you and Annie practiced this?"

Finnick hesitates. He lets out a few unintelligible words. I have a feeling that maybe I've asked too much.

"Um, uh," he stutters, "she's a really innocent girl, so she wants to wait. I'm fine with it, really."

"Oh." I pause before asking, "Are you good with your Peeniss, Finnick?"

"I-I-I guess."

I sigh and look up at the stars. "Do you think I'll ever be good with Peeniss?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. You'll be the best with a Peeniss when you're ready for it. You know, if you get out of here alive."

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?" Johanna Mason yells at us.

"JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP, JOHANNA!" Finnick yells back.

"Wait till Katniss hears about this," I hear Johanna mumble.

I lay back down, gazing at the stars. This is perhaps one of the best nights of my life. Finnick Odair thinks I'll be the best with Peeniss! I'm so happy.

**AN: Well, I was thinking of doing this in a certain order, in which Peeta has these conversations as he gets older throughout the series. But then, I was like, "Screw that. I gotta get Finnick in this. He's the best character." He's a SLBAMF. Also, to Sudoku, thanks for telling me that. I never knew until you told me in your review and then I googled it and saw an article where Josh Hutcherson was talking about it. Lol. Ah, Peeniss. It's beautiful, isn't it? Anyway, thanks for reading and thank you to those of you who reviewed. And, TheWallsWeBreakThrough, don't forget what I told you. I'm SERIOUS! **


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